I’ve always wanted my work to have a deep and timeless meaning. Living in a constant and perpetual obsession of creating an impact while honoring classical methods left me caged into a specific style that was monotonous. I’ve been so consumed with the idea of leaving a legacy, that I didn’t stop and notice when I entered the flow state for my own sake. That I finally found the place of meaning not by continuously hunting for one but by stopping and living my own experience. An experience which has been shaped tremendously against my will, like the way water carves through rock. Where I thought I would be exploring classical ideas of beauty in traditional materials, I found myself excited and drawn to mixing media that genuinely reflected who and where I was in time. All the while still bound together by a common theme, represented as a thread, shifting from a background element, to an emphasized focus. A consistent idea that has left me bare and broken in some places, resilient in others, and altogether finally getting settled into uncertainty. A priceless part of what makes me fearful and reluctantly hopeful, that boils down to one simple word, Choice. 

This body of work is a reflection of judgements that have surprised, alluded, and toyed with my sense of identity. I started this introspection by focusing on my hands, and the way that my essence is tied to them, both in finger print and printing with my fingers. Using graphite was a way for me to create a strong sense of contrast between materials, while holding onto a classical medium. I started to shift away from focusing solely on my own hands and more on how I interacted with the decisions I made and the thread of those choices through the addition of gold leaf. Gold leaf is a powerful tool of value and reflection. My conversation with my own actions became a confrontation in which I got a sense of myself, but without a perfectly polished surface, that reflection is distorted. Similarly to how uncertainty and our resolutions weave in and out of who we are and the circumstances we find ourselves in. 

I loved finding myself in my work. It means something to look at the parts of me which causes so much turmoil and uncertainty and feel, in my chest, a pull. The more I met myself, the more I became willing to step away from the materialsI felt security in, and explore modern media. Acrylic paint, building mediums, and compositions that broke from the 2:3 ratio of a traditional still life give me room to breathe into myself. Working harder and more intensely than I ever have, and seeing final transitions into concluding stages of life pulled me back to the beginning of young joy. The thread that wraps itself around me and my path, which ties everything together also binds the innocence of joy. Keeping everything bound up, broken through, and wrapped around until hopefully, maybe, I can go back. Never really going back in time, but going back to play, before everything loses its color and life. The toys I have recently started to render demonstrate that desire to return, but the memory of how to play has grayed with time. Here I find the sense of urgency in reverting and bringing that color back, before I spend my vitality in serving my social function and losing that chroma altogether. I’ve been distracted by always pursuing my work to have profound and eternal meaning. But now I’ve started to realize that I am the work, I am the legacy, and I will persist.